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“When I got sober, I thought giving up [alcohol] was saying goodbye to all the fun and all the sparkle, and it turned out to be just the opposite. That’s when the sparkle started for me.”
I adore this quote from Mary Karr's. It really hit home for me. Because regardless of what your substance or behaviour of choice is, the idea of being without it seems horrifying.
One of the things that had me trapped for so long was a fear that life was going to be boring without the addition of drink and drugs, it was a story that I had picked up early in life, watching my parents add a bottle of wine to social events and a gin and tonic to the end of the day, seeing my peers sneak a bottle of cider into a the school dance and the kids a few years older than me passing a joint around at house parties.
All these experiences had me believing that the only way to enjoy and handle life was to add a mind altering substance. The perspective that Mary Karr’s quote brings reminds me that these limiting beliefs that I have collected aren’t true, much like all the other limiting beliefs or ‘stories’ that have been unwittingly ruling my life.
Before I found my way to recovery, the idea of letting go of my crutches filled me with dread. How would I possibly have fun without them? How would I find the courage to dance or mingle? And how on earth was I going to be able to unwind after a long day or week?
Looking back, it's kind of funny because during the last 5 years of active addiction, socialising felt like scaling Everest, and real relaxation and deep, rejuvenating sleep were as rare as a unicorn sighting.
In reality, my world had shrunk to the size of my vices. Real, genuine connections and good, wholesome fun were something I yearned for but had also given up on ever having.
In reality, all I wanted to do was hide myself away from the world and get high.
Even though I had admitted defeat and checked myself into rehab I was dubious that a life free of drugs and alcohol would actually be enjoyable, all I was just aiming for was a life that wasn’t so wretched.
But then, one day, something shifted. Twenty-five days into my recovery journey, I felt it: authentic connection, laughter, and a sense of peace I hadn't felt in decades. That's when the sparkle ignited within me, and I noticed a glimmer of hope in the darkness.
Since then, that sparkle has grown into a blazing fire, fueled by my continued daily commitment to recovery. Sure, there have been tough times - sorrow, struggles, and battles with demons old and new. But through it all, I've had the courage to face it head on, and when it’s felt too big to handle alone I’ve had the support of true friends and mentors by my side.
One of the things that had me trapped for so long was a fear that life was going to be boring without the addition of drink and drugs, or that I wasn't strong enough without a good dose of 'Dutch courage' to handle the challenges that I was going to come up against along the way.
These were stories that I had picked up early in life, watching my parents add a bottle of wine to social events or a gin and tonic to the end of the day, seeing my peers sneak a bottle of cider into a the school dance and the kids a few years older than me passing a joint around at house parties.
All these experiences had me believing that the only way to enjoy and handle life was to add a mind altering substance. The perspective that Mary Karr’s quote brings reminds me that these limiting beliefs that I have collected aren’t true, much like all the other limiting beliefs or ‘stories’ that have been unwittingly ruling my life.
So, to anyone out there struggling with their own limiting beliefs, I want you to know this: you're not alone. Reach out, seek support, and hold on to the new belief that the power to ignite your own sparkle lies within you… Trust me, the view from the other side is absolutely breathtaking.
And finally, as a recovery coach I have some fantastic tools to re-write these stories and replace them with the ones that are going to bring your life the sparkle you deserve.
I am ready to walk beside you. I am here to empower you. I am here to be your biggest cheerleader. To have a chat and find out more about how to ignite your sparkle book a free call with me here.
About Mary Karr  | Mary Karr is an award-winning poet and best-selling memoirist with over 20 years of sobriety under her belt at the time of writing this. She is the author of the critically-acclaimed and New York Times best-selling memoirs The Liars' Club, Cherry, and Lit, as well as the Art of Memoir, and five poetry collections, most recently Tropic of Squalor. To find out more about her check out her website here. |